Llegó otro Shabat, el segundo desde la matanza. He visto la instalación en la puerta del Museo de Arte de Tel Aviv con las sillas vacías de los secuestrados. A esos lugares de seres queridos ausentes para siempre y de los que tal vez vivan como rehenes para volver algún día celebrar el disfrute sabio del día de descanso para los judíos. De los ausentes que fueron asesinados para borrar a los judíos de la faz de la tierra. De los que fueron a celebrar la PAZ y encontraron la muerte de los doblemente drogados por imanes que predican en nombre de Alá matar y las anfetaminas.
Desde el 7 de octubre volvieron a desembarcar en mí lo que escuchaba dentro de mi madre cuando los parientes hablaban de lo que habían pasado en Europa cuando decidieron emigrar, escapar, buscar un refugio para poder vivir. De los parientes que habían quedado y que poco supieron sobre su suerte, de mi padre que había vivido meses en un pozo escondido por las razias de los pogromos, de la pena de haber quedado las familias dividas y diezmadas. Desde el 7 de octubre volvieron a mi mente las historias de los que me recibieron al nacer, las de mi crianza, de las que empecé a entender en la adolescencia y luego conocer en carne propia con insultos, bombas de alquitrán en los frentes de los templos, el fascismo y el nazismo y el nacionalismo argentino. Todo lo mamado, lo escuchado, lo compartido volvió y me produce esa sensación de estar y de ausencia, de paralización y de cuestionamientos sobre la condición humana. Esas preguntas que no tienen respuesta cuando se habla de Shoá y ahora de este holocausto terrorista de una crueldad inusitada. De respuestas irresponsables de parte de políticos, intelectuales y opinólogos de que el ataque fue de los defensores de los palestinos de Gaza, rehenes de Hamás, cuando lo que hizo Israel no fue ocupar sus tierras si no defenderse de las agresiones permanentes, de haber dejado un patrimonio importante cuando se retiraron de allí y lo destruyeron.
Los terroristas solo quieren un mundo musulmán extremo sin judíos ni cristianos que día a día también sufren la discriminación. También a los palestinos le toca ver cavar túneles y el lanzamiento de los miles de cohetes, la compra de armamentos que son comprados y armados con el presupuesto que les negaron en comida, educación y salud.
Me siento como una sobreviviente que ante situaciones críticas recuerda y queda desmoralizada de este volver a vivir tanta locura, sangre, cadáveres, torturas y muertes volviendo a condenarnos a ser huérfanos de familias y de un pueblo. A escuchar todavía que nos consideramos víctimas, perseguidos y que vivimos en guetos modernos.
Yo creí por el orgullo de trabajar en la comunidad, de viajar tantas veces a Israel, de escribir y de defender siempre mi ser judía libre, que habría tal vez otras guerras, pero este ataque me ha desmoralizado. Ya no volveré a ver los kibutzim y los moshavimn en la frontera como desafío que se puede convivir a pesar del peligro. Recuerdo cuando vi el Muro de Berlín desde una tarima en la se veía desde Berlín Occidental el Berlín Oriental separado con armas automáticas que si alguien intentaba pasar era acribillado. Será así la nueva separación entre lo que era vida y ahora un cementerio y un crematorio a la vez.
Nada volverá a ser igual para nosotros ya que pasamos de la confianza a la desconfianza en la que dudamos de quién es quién, de los amigos, de los enemigos. Ser judío es un desafió permanente. Me siento extraña, espero ver a los rehenes y el reconocimiento del mundo de Ser Israel un milagro hecho realidad, realidad que a los antisemitas les cuesta reconocer como un país. Un país diminuto y grande a la vez que parece un milagro, pero es una realidad hoy lastimada, vejada, atacada por asesinos.
Segundo Shabat con tantas sillas vacías por el terrorismo como los zapatos de las vitrinas de Auschwitz de los judíos que no volvieron a caminar por el nazismo.
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